‘The Dancing Traffic Light’ ruins Darwinism

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For anyone living in major cities, jaywalking is a way of life (and death). Not only does it save on time, but it also removes the weak from society, thereby allowing the strong to breed. Car manufacturer Smart, however, is trying to change all that and disrupt the balance of nature itself.

As part of an experiment to see if they could improve traffic safety, Smart set up a booth in Lisbon, Portugal where individuals were instructed to dance in front of a camera. This video feed was then relayed to a traffic light to entertain the waiting masses, distracting them just long enough for traffic to pass by. Just long enough to not die.

Dancing Traffic Light

“All of my friends are dead. They were real men.”

Smart claims the Dancing Traffic Light experiment was a success, with an 81 percent increase in pedestrians stopping and waiting for the green light. But before you go and get all excited, just mull on this: The globe is already facing overpopulation, and if Smart has it’s way, then the world will be 81 percent more occupied by the frail and spunky, those who couldn’t even beat a game of Red Light/Green Light.

The video below shows the experiment in action. Unfortunately, the majority of individuals shown within the booth were Caucasian, resulting in the loss of style, flair, and as the kids say these days, gumption. Even the elderly pedestrians were disgusted at the lack of resolve this experiment showed.

Other, similar experiments have been done, utilizing gamification as a way of promoting social change. The Fun Theory did their Piano Stairs experiment, which encouraged people to take the stairs instead of the escalator. They also created the Bottle Bank Arcade, which made recycling an enjoyable activity. Now both of these experiments have merit, one is getting people to burn a few more calories, and the other is helping the world go green. But an experiment stopping population control via traffic accidents? Shameful.

Luckily for our species, individuals only stopped due to the unusual spectacle of a dancing traffic light. Rest assured, if this became normal, people would become accustomed to the gyrating pixels and would resume jaywalking, thereby resuming the cycle of inevitable death that faces each and every one of us. ¡Viva el fuerte!

About Author

Ethan Levinskas is a writer living in North Hollywood where he enjoys a consistent diet of oven baked pizzas and blessing each slice with his shameless tears. He earned his Bachelor of Arts in Cinema Art + Science (yes, that is the degree name) at Columbia College Chicago with a focus in screenwriting. He enjoys keeping up to date with the evolving technology behind the gaming, film, and music industries. His goal is to one day have people enjoy his stories from a reclined leather seat with a bag of overpriced popcorn in their hands.

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